Again I want to remind us that Parenting is a skill and not a gift of nature. It has to be learnt and intentionally cultivated. If we ever hope to know lasting growth and prosperity, then our family system must get better and good parenting is the key.
Good parenting is a competence that can be developed and requires good parenting skills. Parents understand their difficulties especially with teenagers are accentuated when imagined negative possibilities about their children begin to match stubborn displayed negative behavior. Young people in their minds and in response to parental disposition consider their parents as witches, wizards, wicked, uncaring, mean and even doubting their heredity.
But there is no such thing as a stubborn child, we only have ignorant parents.
When parents get it wrong, children react with rebellion as the tool. They are willing to self-destruct just to get back at their parents. They join cults, gangs, cut tattoos, engage in wild partying, drink to stupor, keep late nights, roam the streets endlessly, abuse sex, seek love and material succour by dating older men and women even if married.
During festive periods, these promiscuous kids intensify their soul search for the dad or mum they never had. They look for dad and mum in the men and women around them with their bodies and sex as the tool of attraction and of retaining those people in their lives. Others are busy looking for the emotional connection and affection they desperately wanted from their parents and never got.
As a coach, mentor and family counsellor, I have lost count of how many young girls have told me they don’t enjoy sex. They say that while they give sex to their boyfriends and to the men in their lives, it is the romance, the foreplay, love talks and the touching that they enjoy the most. Most claim that penetration sex is always painful to them but the kisses, the touches, the love talks are the real inspiration for them. They simply seek in their partners the affection and meaning their parents should have given. The deep desire for connection wasn’t met by their parents, leaving them insecure as they grew older. This is a gap created by weak parenting.
It is emotionally distracting to see that all of the pain, and shattered dreams between kids and the parents they love so dearly primarily created by parents through ignorance, fear and opacity. know the best movies, lyrics of the latest songs, latest fashion cars, latest gossips and soft sells, how to make money, how to grow professional career or a great business. They know how to have sex and bring their partner to orgasm. They can analyze the economy and peculiarities but they know next to nothing about parenting.
Information, though helpful is not knowledge. The goal of information is to empower the head, the goal of knowledge is transformation. Information doesn’t connote practice or application. Knowledge is information applied. It is active with movement and progress.
Now is when we must stop the unskilled, lazy, parenting-by-default style we are embracing. I would advise parents everywhere and would-be parents to invest in parenting education. It is the way to the peace you seek in your parental responsibility. No school or religious set up can substitute your effort in protecting and nurturing your family.
Spend two hours online every week learning a parenting skill. Subscribe to a parenting journal, join a parenting club or even start one. Pay for a parenting course on your next holiday. Just do something.
Never forget that the destiny of your kids and how they turn out will be largely shaped by the attitude and behavior you model at home. You are responsible. But you can’t behave better than the quality of information and truth at your disposal. This is the Life.
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